Refusal as a Form of Tenderness: An Interview With Kailum Graves

Kailum’s hybrid work, “Patch Notes for the End of the World,” starts at the beginning of human civilization and zooms into a singular, essential interaction between an adult and child. The scale of this piece, and how it manages to straddle both humor and heart so deftly, captured our attention during our reading, and we’re thrilled to share this interview with the author. Read Kailum’s winning work, and then take a peek behind the patch notes.

Rebecca Paredes: You submitted this piece for our History Repeating challenge, which asked writers to explore cycles of destruction and what happens when that cycle breaks. How did that prompt inform your work?

Kailum Graves: The prompt immediately made me think about repetition at different scales—historical, political, domestic, emotional. I was interested in the way the same patterns of harm can keep reappearing in new language, new institutions, new rooms. A war becomes a family system. A family system becomes a sentence someone says to a child.

What drew me to the challenge was the final question: what happens when the cycle breaks? I didn’t want the answer to be grand or triumphant. I wanted the break to be almost unbearably small—a pause, a refusal, a hand opening instead of closing. The piece is really about that tiny, difficult moment when someone inherits an old script and chooses not to perform it.

RP: We loved that this piece uses patch notes, which developers use to detail changes with each software update. How did you land on this as your structure?

KG: I liked the coldness of patch notes as a form. They’re so functional and tidy—added this, removed that, known issue, minor fix. There’s something both funny and horrifying about applying that language to human history and inherited harm. The structure let me move quickly through huge ideas without having to explain them in a traditional narrative way. It also gave the piece a kind of bureaucratic absurdity, which felt right for the subject. So much violence is made possible by systems that describe terrible things in very clean language. Patch notes became a way to expose the gap between the neatness of the record and the mess of what actually happened.

RP: You described this work as “hybrid microfiction/prose poem,” which is spot-on—there are so many knockout lines in here, like “Added drawers that slam like verdicts” and “Children now able to recite the year a war began while failing to identify the sound of one starting in their own home.” This is a long way of saying, do you tend to write pieces that blend genres, and if so, what draws you to it?

KG: I’m very drawn to hybrid forms. I think some subjects resist behaving as only fiction or only poetry or only essays. Sorrow, heartache, trauma, love, memory—they rarely arrive in clean categories, so I like forms that can blur or fracture a little. I often find myself starting with a strange premise or structure and then using it to get at something emotionally direct. In this case, the patch notes gave me permission to be compressed, funny, bleak, and lyrical at once. Genre-blending lets me follow the emotional logic of a piece rather than the rules of a single form. It can make room for jokes and devastation to sit uncomfortably close together, which feels very human to me.

RP: Is there anything else you’d like to share about this piece, or anything you’re working on now?

KG: I think the piece is ultimately about refusal as a form of tenderness. Not a perfect cure, not a clean redemption, but a small interruption in an old pattern. I’m interested in the idea that history does not only repeat through governments and wars, but through gestures, rooms, tones of voice, and the things people do not know they have inherited.

At the moment, I’m working across fiction, poetry, and television. I’m especially interested in speculative and uncanny premises that open into very human questions: how people survive themselves, how humor works as an emergency device, and how tenderness can appear in places where it was never properly installed.

Patch Notes for the End of the World

Before the first release, there was already a bug.
It appeared first as hunger. Then fear. Then the thrilling new ability to name a stranger enemy and call it necessary.
Humanity has been updating itself ever since. 

Version 1.0—Fire
Added the thrilling new ability to point at shadows and invent gods.
Known issue: Users keep discovering that a hand can hold either bread or a stone.
Developers maintain this is a feature.

Version 1.7—Tribe
Added names for everyone inside the circle.
Added worse names for everyone outside it.
Added drums. Added dancing. Added the first man who looked at another man’s need and said, unfortunately, there are procedures.
Bug report: Empathy not scaling beyond immediate family group.

Version 2.3—Border
Added fathers explaining why the sons must go.
Improved map functionality: Rivers now capable of separating the innocent from the slightly differently innocent.
Added fences, checkpoints, uniforms, stamps, paperwork, and one tired woman at a desk who has not slept since the Bronze Age.
Civilization now recognizes “ours” and “theirs.”
Humanity still not compatible.

Version 3.1—Empire
Expanded vocabulary for taking things.
Added destiny, extraction, trade routes, museums, treaties, and several marble rooms in which stolen objects can appear beautifully lit and almost harmless.
Added remorse language.
Remorse language only available after legal review.
Known issue: Ghosts accumulating in infrastructure.
Developers advise ignoring the pipes when they whisper.

Version 4.1—House
Ported conflict to domestic environments.
Added drawers that slam like verdicts.
Added doors that learn the language of artillery.
Added silence between family members, now available in twelve regional dialects.
Improved dinner table tension. Users may now experience dread while passing peas.

Version 4.9—Broadcast
Civilian casualties now render as unfortunate necessity.
Displacement renamed movement.
Hunger renamed pressure.
Mourning renamed cost.
Death renamed outcome.
Added experts. Added graphics. Added a man with perfect hair explaining that suffering, while regrettable, is very complicated and therefore nobody in particular did it.
Added breaking news.
News continues to break.

Version 6.6—Father
Improved inheritance system.
Added phrases:
Because I said so.
Don’t make me come in there.
You think you’ve got it hard?
I’ll give you something to cry about.
Added emotional opacity.
Added male sadness, which may appear as rage due to rendering error.
Known issue: User may confuse fear for respect.
Known issue: Love unavailable during maintenance.

Version 7.0—School
Added names of battles.
Added the phrase “never again,” repeated annually with increasing pageantry and decreasing accuracy.
Children now able to recite the year a war began while failing to identify the sound of one starting in their own home.
Added wreaths.
Added solemn music.
Added a minute of silence, which is not long enough, but nobody knows what to do with two.

Version 8.4—Apology
Improved reconciliation interface.
Added “I’m sorry you felt that way.”
Added “Mistakes were made.”
Added “This is not who we are,” despite extensive documentation.
Added public statements, private settlements, commemorative plaques, and one minister blinking with the spiritual vacancy of a printer jam.
Known issue: Wound remains active beneath ceremony.

Version 8.9—Child
Added child user to affected household.
Child observes father.
Child observes father observing grandfather.
Child observes grandfather observing a war that officially ended years ago but continues to receive updates through the blood.
Child learns footstep recognition.
Child learns weather from breathing.
Child learns which rooms are safe and which moods have knives in them.
Child learns humor.
Humor deployed as emergency flotation device.
Child says, “At least the apocalypse is punctual.”
No one laughs.
The apocalypse notes this for later.

Version 9.0—Memorial
Added photographs.
Added folded flags.
Added speeches about sacrifice delivered by men who are no longer young enough to be sacrificed.
Added children in clean shirts reciting dates they will later ignore.
Added monuments with excellent posture.
Added names carved into stone, which is apparently what we do when we cannot bear to carve them into policy.
Known issue: Memorial may create the impression that the past is finished.
Known issue: Past still running in background.

Version 9.7—Mirror
Added adult narrator.
Adult narrator now contains father’s jaw.
Adult narrator now contains grandfather’s silence.
Adult narrator now contains ancient instructions packed tightly behind the teeth.
Scenario loaded:
A smaller person stands in front of narrator.
A child, or brother, or student, or anyone still soft enough to believe the world is not yet inevitable.
The cup is broken.
The room is waiting.
The old script appears.
Say the cruel thing.
Raise the hand.
Make the wound useful.
Call it lesson.
Call it strength.
Call it what happened to you and therefore what must happen next.
System prompts narrator to continue family tradition.
Narrator experiences catastrophic tenderness.
Narrator says nothing.
Then narrator kneels.
Then narrator picks up the pieces.
Then narrator says, “Are you hurt?”
The room does not know what to do with this.
The ghosts look up from their trenches.
The knives remain in the drawer.

Version 10.0—Refusal
Removed inherited command: Hurt what hurt you.
Removed automatic escalation.
Removed father’s voice from emergency settings.
Installed language for apology.
Installed hands that open.
Installed pause before impact.
Installed sentence: That should not have happened to you.
Installed sentence: You do not have to earn gentleness.
Known issue: History may attempt to reinstall itself.
Known issue: Older versions may run during stress, grief, hunger, bureaucracy, Christmas, or any conversation beginning with “we need to talk.”
Peace has fewer sound effects.

Version 10.1—Minor Fixes
Updated kitchen.
Knives still present.
Bread still possible.
Fire still undecided.
Child user asks what happens next.
Narrator does not know.
This is the first honest release note in several thousand years.
Narrator opens hand.
Child takes it.
For once, nothing explodes.

Jukebox Rotation for War Days

this morning the ocean is flung out across the sheets, flagrant and languid, 
beads of light on its skin, the street is slow and lazy, air thick and heavy after rain, 
sliding its thighs together for the sheer pleasure of their weight, hibiscus unfurling, 
batting their lashes, licking their lips like they’re sleepily eating something with honey, 
bees drowse and bumble, still a little drunk from last night’s debauch, 
none of them are picturing the poet 

who told me years ago about the day 
he understood that songs were poetry, he lay 
on his best friend’s bedroom floor in brooklyn, 
now he is lying on the floor of my head 
with the rest of history

scattered in snapshots, sometimes polaroids, sometimes salt prints, 
albumen calotype ambrotype tintype daguerreotype cyanotype 
gelatin silver it depends on the period, the history of the world 
according to high school dropout, useless archive 
of partial things, the poet 

was sixteen. the album had just come out. the song 
was 7 O’Clock News / Silent Night.
he and his best friend lay side by side 
on the floor of the bedroom in brooklyn 
in vietnam wave after wave of u.s. troops broke 
and broke over the nation they destroyed by the time i was born 
the poet was a professor and i was told 

to look vets on the streets in the eye when i stepped over their legs, 
don’t be afraid my father said, say excuse me, give them change if you have it
he gave me change so i would have it it doesn’t matter what they do 
with it, they won’t hurt you he said they’ve done all the hurting they ever 
meant to do and then some, this fucking
country my father said this fucking country and its fucking 
walking dead remember

being sixteen when the radio 
mattered, and the car and the car’s tinny radio 
countdown, the weight of the keys, the power 
of pressing the gas, of gathering speed, the mastery 
of steering, rush of shifting gears, the girl 
with red hair, her hand out the window, her cigarette, the wind 
blew strands of hair across her face it always got
stuck in her wet n’ wild lipgloss, i hooked my finger 
to pull it free of her mouth i always smelled like her

apple drugstore shampoo we sang along to billy joel she would pretend to 
sing i would pretend not to notice when her voice would fade out she’d listen 
to me catch the low low notes she couldn’t hit 
alone 
once
her lips against my ear, breath quick, she whispered sing
to me, i like the way the low notes feel 
inside so i sang 
into her ribs i sang
into the cleft of thigh i sang 
it didn’t even matter what i sang 
today

the ocean is flung out across the sheets, lifting her body offering herself 
to the flagrant sun, beads of light on her skin i can barely remember 
the latin declensions or the types of greek columns or the names 
of cloud formations until late at night when i least
need them

but the smashed vase of history 
is scattered in pieces all over the floor of my 
head and every day i walk barefoot across
crouching to fish out stray bits
of what might matter 
the poet who did not want to go to war 
the vet on the sidewalk who said thank you young man
solemnly to me when i handed him 
the nickel i’d been holding in my fist 
and i nodded solemnly in return
i wonder

if they played taps at his 
funeral, if someone was there
to play taps if someone was there
to take the folded flag 
the archive

of every song i’ve ever 
sung into someone’s 
broken body so it would 
hum with the low 
low notes they couldn’t hit
alone

Keloid

It was an eyesore, the scar, a small lumpy tumescence above my friend’s left eyebrow, like an overgrown pimple. It was ugly. If he could’ve he would’ve hidden it, but his hair stuck straight up from his forehead like a wiry brush reaching for the clouds. So he tried to hide his entire self instead. Sitting at his desk he’d tuck his long limbs toward his body, knees to chest and calves clutched in tight, as though he were trying to pull himself shut. And he never spoke. At the beginning of the day, when the teacher called his name, he put his hand up wordlessly, raising it over his face so that it concealed not just his forehead, but most of his features, disappearing even as he admitted that he was, yes, here.

The boys in our class—a terror of eight-year-olds, myself among them—followed him during recess, goading him to speak. What is that? we’d say, pointing at his forehead. Is it a bug bite? A volcano? He’d cover the scar and look away, saying nothing.

The following spring he began to mete out single words, then sentences. He spoke an accented and scholarly English. He and I, the two fastest runners on the football pitch, became friends. He was always over at my house. His aunt worked late and my parents were happy to have him around: Such a polite and quiet boy; he could teach you a thing or two.

One afternoon we were sitting on the old blue duvet, eating fried potatoes wrapped in paper saturated with so much grease it was translucent. I was talking about my epileptic cousin, who I had recently witnessed having a seizure. He nearly died, I said dramatically, although it wasn’t exactly true.

My friend touched his scar and said, Ah, me as well. Then he began to tell the story. 

In the country where he’d grown up, my friend explained, his father had served as the Minister of Wildlife and Game. It was a minor role but carried responsibility and prestige. My friend was proud to be the Minister’s son. Then the coup happened. The new regime made a list of every person who served in the old cabinet, and not just them, but their spouses, their children, their parents. Soldiers ambushed my friend’s mother and brothers on their way to school. But my friend wasn’t with them. He was home with a fever. Home with his father. A soldier found them there. 

The first shot missed, my friend said. The second hit here. The third went into my father’s brain.

The fried potatoes had grown cold. Outside someone was kicking a ball into a wall in a hollow pulselike rhythm.

Then my questions came bursting out. How could people let this happen? Why didn’t the police stop it? Why didn’t they vote the old regime out and put them in jail?

Patiently, my friend explained: others would’ve been killed if they had protected my friend and his family. The police, the court, and the judges belonged to the new government. And there were no more elections.

Finally I burst out, But that can’t happen!

It can’t, he said, but it did. Now there is nothing else to be done.

That shocked me into silence, his resignation: There is nothing else to be done.

I don’t know whether we ever talked about it again. Certainly it changed my view of my friend. The way he curled into himself seemed less like a girding and more like an attempt to contain the horror safely inside. I wondered how a person survived that. We remained friends until we were teenagers, when he went to a different sixth form. But even as time moved us further from one another, the thing he’d said came back to me again and again: There is nothing else to be done. It gnawed at me when I received my exam results and realized that because of several low marks, I wouldn’t be able to attend university. When I got a stultifying job at the local council: There is nothing else to be done. And when I was made redundant: nothing else. A few years ago, when cancer bloomed in my wife, caught too late for treatment, the words became a comfort. I thought then I understood what my friend had meant. My wife wasted away and really, there was nothing else to be done.

Recently someone I knew from school sent me a news article. At first I didn’t understand why. It was one of those things that seems to happen all the time now, though you don’t like to think about it: a young man with a machete attacked a children’s music recital. Five children and two adults were injured before one of the fathers disarmed the attacker. I had to read the article twice to understand that the hero of this story was my old friend.

A video was embedded. In it, my friend was older, with parentheses on either side of his mouth, his hair receding as though to emphasize the keloid on his brow, which had neither shrunken nor softened as he’d aged.

A towheaded reporter tilted a microphone toward him and asked him if he had been afraid.

Everyone is afraid with a weapon pointed at them.

The reporter was unsatisfied. People are calling you a hero. How did you know what to do?

My friend raised his hand, then lowered it, like he was waving away or thought, or had reached to touch his scar but thought better of it.

No one knows what to do, he said. My child was in danger. Her friends. And we are all already dead too soon. So that man could not be allowed to keep his weapon. There was nothing else to be done.

History Repeating Finalists

Our May challenge, History Repeating, asked for writing that deals with repetition and the fracturing of time—and we were absolutely thrilled by the response. These finalists, representing fiction and poetry, a surprising twist on a coming-of-age story, a deeply moving meditation on “the smashed vase of history,” and an experimental piece built from software patch notes. You can read these pieces on our website at the end of June.

First place

“Patch Notes for the End of the World” by Kailum Graves

Second place

“Jukebox Rotation for War Days” by Marya Hornbacher

Third place

“Keloid” by Emily Dezurick-Badran

We’re excited to publish these finalists at the end of June. Can’t wait? Read our winners from past challenges, and sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know about upcoming calls for submissions and events.

History Repeating Shortlist

Our History Repeating challenge asked for fiction, poetry, and nonfiction about cycles of destruction, recurring conflict, and what happens when those cycles break. We’re so pleased to bring you our shortlist, which recognizes the pieces that excited and moved us. Keep your eyes peeled next week for our finalists!

Underground Railroad Overground” by Scott Michael Black

A Black Mother Goes to the Hospital to Give Birth” by Juanita Cox

Army Sendoff” by Dario Cvencek

War Fatigue” by Martin Settle

Inheritance Pattern” by Veronica Tucker 

Fearsome Daughter” by Alise Versella

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